I said six months was my favorite age but each month since has brought even more joy. I can’t really believe Tatum made his grand entrance 9 months ago!!! I have a few friends who are pregnant or who have recently had babes and it makes me SO excited for them. We will share a bond that is different from any other part of the friendship that we have shared. It’s a mutual understanding and forgiveness of the forgetfulness, joy, love, and worries. I think back to when we brought Tatum home and I feel like it’s all a blur. I was so worried about schedules, sleeping, breastfeeding and wondering how the hell celebrities lost all of their baby weight in 14 days. I didn’t sleep when he slept. I didn’t rest. I questioned if I was meant to do this and how people made it look so effortless. I worried about worrying. I put so much pressure on myself. I spiraled into postpartum depression over breastfeeding. My anxiety felt like it was taking my breath away. I got so sad when the sun went down and prayed that I wouldn’t always feel this way. I now cherish every single time I feed Tatum a bottle. I live for when he occasionally naps on my chest instead of in his crib and I’ve traded googling every single piece of parenting advice for actually trusting my instinct. I love watching the sun go down and hope we aren’t awake for the day before the sun comes up. Oh, how things have changed in just a few months. I have given in to motherhood. It feels so good. This post is for my pregnant friends, friends who just had babies and friends who don’t have babes quite yet….this one is for you.
- You’re pregnant. Eat the damn ice cream.
- If someone asks you if you’re sure you aren’t having twins when they know damn good and well you are in fact only having 1…ask them when they’re planning on joining Weight Watchers. Oh, was that rude? Well so was their question.
- The advice of c sections vs vaginal birth vs inductions vs natural birth. Yeah take your advice and shove it. Leave it to the doctors.
- “You’re about to POP” = They’re about to get popped.
- Have you said one of the above to a pregnant woman? If you have, go apologize. I don’t give a rats ass if she had that baby 32 years ago. She remembers when you said it.
- Don’t worry about the weight just yet. It will come off. Your sweet babe doesn’t see that extra fluff around your belly. They care about their next meal. Bottle or boob and it doesn’t matter which one but they just want to be snuggled and fed.
- Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t sleep when the baby sleeps…I never could. I survived. I bitched and cried about being so tired but my tired eyes couldn’t look away from that rising and falling chest. Sleep will come and when it does you will feel like you just might be your old self again. e
xcept the fact twerking at the bar until 3 am isn’t really an option these days - Let people make you meals, order you dinner, clean your kitchen, do your laundry, take your dog for the night, do your yard work…. let them. They want to and you will want to return the favor when one of your friends or loved ones experiences this new chapter.
- Read the book Desperate by Sally Clarkson. Life changing.
- Cry because your baby grew out of the 0-3 month onesie and you swear they’re getting bigger by the day.
- Cry happy tears because you’ve made it 3 months and you’re all still functioning and surviving.
- Don’t worry about the check up shots…a little comfort from mama and dada are all they need to forget about that tiny little poke!
- Download the Baby Feed Timer App. Lifesaver.
- Take 5-10 minutes to shower every single day. Rinsing off and just feeling like I had 5 minutes to decompress made me so happy.
- If the thought of driving alone with the baby sends you into a psychotic breakdown….call me. I was there. I couldn’t even make it 6 minutes to Starbucks without my anxiety taking over and landing me back in my driveway with tears down my cheeks and my cup holder empty. We got the hang of driving alone around 15 days.
- Be honest with your doctor. If you feel like a walking zombie, sad that you aren’t enjoying every moment and worried that you’re borderline suffering from PPD. Be honest. It feels good to just say it out loud.
- Your shoulders, neck and back will ache. Perfect time to get a massage from your hubby. Warning…the baby hormones and seeing your significant other with the baby combined with a loving massage may just make you question if you’re ready for baby #2. Then, remember how damn good sleep feels and tell him to politely get his hands off your back before you make a questionable decision. Schedule a massage with a professional. Hopefully that paid touch doesn’t make you question shit besides drifting off to sleep.
- Have a glass of wine or a beer. Because you waited 9 damn months to have that and you deserve it!!! If you get mom shamed then direct them to Kelly Mom where it clearly states a glass of wine or beer is perfectly damn fine but that their judgement isn’t welcome.
- Kick the baby out of your room when YOU want to. There, I said it. Get some normalcy back. For me that was at 12 weeks. Slapped the Owlet on to Tatum’s foot and turned on The Real Housewives of Orange County. Because what’s better than seeing 50 year old women lose their shit while you kick back and remember that the world is still turning and you’ll become a functioning member of society again someday. Hell, maybe you’ll even get to vacation and put on a fancy outfit like the women on TV.
- Pray
- Pray more.
- If you’re a friend to a new mama and you don’t have children yourself…be easy on us. We’re fragile. Emotional. Fucking tired. Overjoyed. Emotional…again. Probably hungry. Probably wondering when this fat disappears into thin air. Wondering if friendships will remain the same. Wondering if our boobs will ever not touch the side of our arms. Deal with the fact we are posting every photo of our new babe on social media. Cut us some slack. You’ll see what we mean when you have your turn and we will be happy to give you all the tips and tricks.
- Turn on some rap and bounce that extra baggage in the mirror. Seriously.
- Say fuck as much as you want before the baby starts talking. Sorry if that word offends you but it’s part of my vocabulary and I happen to like saying it.
- Check in with others…it makes you feel like you haven’t lost all touch with reality.