No book can prepare you for this mama thing.

   This offseason was one for the books. Literally, I read skimmed so many books. Not like… for funsies books. Books that were supposed to teach me what the hell to do about feeding a baby around the clock, how to get a baby to sleep, how to make a baby stay asleep so it fit in line with “appropriate wake times” and basically how to lay down the law from day 1. I put those books in the cabinet I wanted to burn the MF books. This offseason I spent SO much time Googling, reading articles online, joining Sleep Training and Breastfeeding groups on Facebook. Now, here we are leaving next Thursday and I can honestly say I have not looked up one thing for a magic answer (regarding sleep at least) over the last two weeks. Maybe because I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown and could not take feeling like I was doing something wrong for one more minute (we just recently started getting 4+ hour stretches at night). Maybe because I know my sweet little babe better than what I was reading. Regardless, this offseason taught me more than a book could have ever taught me. 

1. Time flies. I don’t even know what day it is half of the time.
2. Trying to be a supermom only lead to extreme anxiety. let the damn laundry pile up every once in a while.
3. Little babe has grown so quickly and the small things seem so much sweeter these days. He found his hands and now he looks at them like Ricky Bobby in his interview in Talladega Nights.
4. My patience with adults is slim to none but my patience for our baby could reach the moon and back.
5. I’ve realized I cannot do this mama thing without praying multiple times a day.
6. Friendships change. Some for the best and some are challenging.
7. I cannot believe I have survived on 2-3 hours of sleep for the past 5 months my hungover 22 year old self would have never believed this was possible.
8. I somehow find my husband sexier now than ever. Something about seeing him ooh and ahh over our little babe makes my heart explode almost makes me think about baby #2.
9. I have longed for sleep every single night but the other night Tatum had his first 6 hour stretch and when he woke to nurse I cherished that 4 am session so much more.
10. Breastfeeding was so wonderful and so easy month 1-3. I felt like a superhero. The past 2 months have taken me on an emotional roller coaster. Breastfeeding has taken me down a path of beating myself up, asking myself what happened, guilt and many tears rolling down my cheeks. Our breastfeeding journey may be coming to an end sooner rather than later. Think I can just go hang with my Monday BF support group friends? 
11. We had a scare with little babe’s health and I truly never knew what strength was until I was singing “you are my sunshine” to Tatum with a shaky voice and choking back tears. SO happy to say that it is only a severe acid reflux issue and is being fixed with wonderful meds!
12. I’ve offered to give Princeton away approximately 89 times. This dog. I love him to pieces but DAMN. His new thing is drinking a shit ton of water and then throwing up on our comforter, the carpet, the kitchen rugs or in the bathroom. Good thing he is cute and old or his ass would be posted for sale to a good home. #loveyou #firstchildsyndrome
13. #Fitmoms on Instagram…..props to y’all! I can barely ride the bike without peeing my pants. Still.
14. I can’t take shots. I don’t ever want to take another shot. We had a little outing after date night last week and it had me feeling like death the next day. Hangovers without McDonald’s or Papa John’s is a bitch. #stilldairyfreeforbaby
15. I am extremely grateful to be a stay at home mom. However, PLEASE don’t say to stay at home moms “Oh, you have it so easy. You’re so lucky you just get to stay home”. Do I tell you “Oh, you are so lucky you get to have adult interaction all day, you get an actual lunch break and your job is SO easy!” No…what you don’t see is the days I don’t get out of pajamas. And not in a fun way of being lazy, lounging, eating dairy free ice cream and kicked back watching Housewives. No, in a way that there is no point of getting out of pajamas. I don’t have anywhere to be. Ever. Nobody relies on me outside of the home. I didn’t leave the house for 12 days a few weeks ago. I’m working on this balance thing. Postpartum anxiety and emotions are real. Some days are a real battle. Some days are so wonderful I chalk it up to the hard days are due to being sleep deprived. Either way, it is not kind to downplay someone’s job. My job is being a wife and a mom. I take great pride in it, I feel extremely blessed and don’t appreciate condescending comments. If it was easy for you to be a stay at home mom, good for you. That is wonderful. I am finding my way and this journey is my own.
16. I can eat an entire meal in approximately 4 minutes. When I see Tatum starting to stir on the monitor, it’s on.
17. I haven’t had a public meltdown since Target when Tucker left with Tatum because he was so mortified and I am happy to say I have been working on being a kinder person.