Is the title of this blog post dramatic?? (hold please…on the phone AGAIN with DirecTV). shocker that time only took 17 minutes.
The definition of dramatic:
- of or relating to drama or the performance or study of drama. no studying here
- exciting or impressive LOLOLOL impressive my ass
- intending or intended to create an effect; theatrical no and no
Dramatic would be implying that the past 3 weeks have been impressive or theatrical. No…the past 3 weeks have caused me to debate whether I am mentally stable, have bursts of outrage, drink vodka at 11 am and collect more wine corks than I care to admit don’t judge me and investigate people faster than Olivia Pope.
“Building a house and moving will be fun” (my brain last December) went to “if somebody doesn’t answer my email by 5 pm or if I get put on hold one more time y’all may see me on the nightly news” batshit crazy. The steps of building and moving have been the following:
- We are buying a house!!!! (No, building a house. That’s what is best for us in the long run…it will still be amazing and fun. What’s a little stress?!)
- Yay!!! We are picking out ahhhmazing backsplash, flooring, exterior, etc (to die for master bathroom and kitchen).
- How long does it take to get the dang ball rolling?! I want to see more than a muddy lot.
- Ahhh it is so beautiful (while looking at the frame and getting teary eyed thinking of hosting Christmas parties and raising our future babies).
- OMG we have to pick paint colors before we even move in? (Pinterest obsessed does not even describe me at this point).
- I really should be a good wife and get my husband that damn lion painting he wants. admitting that it looks good, for real.
- Wait, the carpet we chose back in January has been discontinued 1 week before install?? Oh…good we get to upgrade to a better carpet for free ($$$$coupon queen is so happy).
- Furniture shopping!!!
- Furniture shoppinggggggggg…..I cannot look at one more furniture store. Everything looks the same. I can’t decide.
- Interior is so beautiful(I cannot wait for Thanksgiving at our house and to take a bath in the beautiful tub)!!!!
- Time to start scheduling movers, deliveries and set up cable and internet!! (still mentally stable at this point….#12 to the present is the onset of my inner crazy being revealed).
- Oh, we cannot close on time?? That’s annoying AF ok! I’ll reschedule it all.
- Oh, somebody did something wrong…another push back??? losing my shit
- Next week you say? Awesome, furniture cannot be delivered for a while that’s okay I’ll sleep on the floor I’ll make it work.
- Get me the name and number of the freaking person who is screwing this up and I will gladly take his address too would I really go to his office?? yeah I’ve officially lost it I am going to play the pity card…My husband is only home for one day until October and I really need this to be finished ASAP and our apartment lease is up and I have nowhere for all of my damn furniture to go you stupid little prick (do a little sniffle and cry…hold the crazy in).
- THANK YOU. Closing in 2 days. I was so close to finding that man and throwing myself on the floor. I’ve lost my mind.
- Y’all better hope we close in 2 days while giving a dazzling smile that probably makes me look really scary because I have been so mean and there is 0 way I look nice.
I am SO ready to be in our beautiful new home!!! The past three weeks have not only included many tears, screaming, cussing like a sailor and eating McDonalds three days in a row but also…. A 47 (yes 47) minute phone hold to Best Buy only to be hung up on, a 97 minute phone call to DirecTV to have them say they’ll call me another day to resolve the issue, Prince locking himself in my car in 92 degree heat with no air (resulting in me calling the police and sobbing uncontrollably because I have absolutely lost my mind), rescheduling the movers 5 times, 7 rewritten To-Do lists and my poor husband having to listen to the nut case that I have become over the last 21 days (bless his heart).
Stay tuned because in 2 days I will be back to my happy self. Unpacking while drinking a good Chardonnay, listening to music, texting my husband about normal things instead of threatening to threaten every person who has messed something up,sweet talking my baby Princey, washing my hair before it looks like it could fry bacon, conducting myself like a lady and not the disgusting, foul mouthed train wreck that I have been and enjoying every minute of making our house a home! As for the next 2 days I can’t promise that I won’t be chugging wine like water or cussing at every moron who gets in my way.
HAPPY MOVING!!!!!! (moving is fun they said, relax they said and be thankful they said I am thankful you moron but I am allowed to bitch about people who are idiots too!!!!)
BRING ON THE CHAMPAGNE!
Mrs. B